It's all the breath with nothing that fulfil my brain this second. Somehow feels so numb. Not happy, not sad, but blank. Sitting in a place with mie ayam and teh botol all alone, seeing the vehicles passing by under the super hot sunshine, I find my self asking to me : what is this? what am I doing right here?
I dont know, why I asked so.
Commonly, life has its own sense : sweet, or bitter or probably salty. But me right now just feeling nothing. I'm just forget that way how to be sad and happy, how to cheer, how to be in love and much much much more how to be. I lost me. I lost the point of doing life, I don't know why. I had lost the spirit, the love and the desire, being numb like today and yesterday, feels empty both in the head and chest. The life begin with nothing’s left. The dream has gone, the love lost it’s way, and the believe falls. Again, I have to build a new life, promptly from zero.
Kadang rasanya pingin nge-rewind semuanya dari awal. Pingin balik ke belakang, usaha lebih keras lagi supaya mimpinya nggak terbang ke mana - mana. Pingin mencinta lebih baik supaya pacarnya nggak jadi mantan. Pingin baca lebih banyak supaya tau lebih banyak. Pingin nyari temen lebih banyak supaya hidup lebih menyenangkan. Pingin berdoa lebih sering supaya galaunya makin jarang. Pingin makan lebih sedikit, lari lebih jauh, tidur lebih cukup, travelling lebih sering, tertawa lebih banyak, dan lain lain lain.
But I can't.
Yesterday is yesterday and I have no idea about going back to the past.
I have to move foward within the great me, the great life.
Just tell me how to start again.
I beg.
