I read too many
things, listened too many stories, also watched too many videos which not
belong to what I exactly need. I left the thing that really matter there on the
table while my head was actually full of that stuff. The thesis.
I poured my cup boiled
water and the water turns black. I love how it smells. I stirred it rough. I thought I need to finish this activity as
fast as possible. The thesis was waiting for me.
This is funny.
Lately I just keep on telling myself that graduate fast has no correlation with
any source of money. I don’t know whether it is true or not. But back then
today I found myself sick of it. Normally, people are graduated on their 4th
year in college. I’ve spend 3 and a quarter years and somehow feels kicked in
the ass, pushed to immediately go out of my own campus. Its not that I hate my
college life, or my college life hates me. Its ……… I don’t know, my friends are
graduating too early and I don’t want to be a snail among the rabbits.
I remembered
that time when I got back from living-in-a-village-for-one-month program, some
friends had just done the seminar of their research proposal. Again, when I got
back to campus after 2 weeks in the IMF and World Bank Annual Meeting, I saw a friend taking
pictures with all those flowers and congraduation and “balon S.E”. I cursed her. I cursed myself.
Other day I thought
about why should I chase people. I have a good time to do everything I wished
to do previously, as a pre-adult person, under the label: student. I told you once, I read
books, and none of them pursue everybody to graduate fast but here I am working
in a hurry to finish my last chapter.
I don’t want to
complain about how my progress are going. This actually happen to all the
students in general, I tell you. If you feel like you have the worst case,
believe me, there’s always a weird story behind every student in finishing
their thesis. That’s totally okay to feel a little tired, disappointed, or even
mad because I also did. But hello, this question: “why do I do this in a hurry and
overthink about graduating ASAP” – is start to bite my brain.
I finished my
pantry activity in a hurry, then continued to stare at my laptop. I sipped my
black coffee. My cup didn’t look artsy, the coffee is totally in a mess.
